08252K3
Yesterday I went to Office Depot to spend a ridiculous amount of money on things I don't really need, but it saves me from ever going there again for the next year. I was carrying these things that I had just bought in my arms because I hadn't planned on buying that much when I came in. I went to check out and there was a small army of Mexican women crowded around the only checkout counter with someone working at it. There was nowhere to set the junk I was holding down because they were all crowded around the counter. So I figured I'd go over to see if they've bought out the store and I saw four 1-inch binders and a few packs of paper being checked out.
Even though I live in Florida, I'm not too educated when it comes to other cultures, so you'll have to excuse me if I don't see the point in having seven people participate in the buying of a small amount of school supplies. Maybe it's some female-only ritual having to do with someone's first day of school, or the first time the mother gets to buy school supplies for her child(ren). In any event, I was getting tired of holding all that shit so I asked one of the ladies to excuse me as I needed a little room to set my items down. The bitch looked at me, and then turned away and continued to cackle to her ritual companions. What the hell? Even if she didn't speak English it was obvious what I was trying to do. So I just said "alright" and turned sideways to push my way through when the guy at the counter finally grew some balls and told the bitch to move out of the way so I could set my shit down. She did this slow, teeth-sucking noise like she was sucking a filling out or something and slowly moved out of the way, staring at me the whole time, as if I've completely ruined her day by causing her inconsiderate fat ass to move a few feet. The guy handed the the leader of the posse her change and bagged the items, and it took them like two minutes to pick it up and leave.
But just when I thought that guy was cool, he tried to get me to buy two 50 packs of CD-Rs for about two bucks cheaper. Note to salespeople: when a customer declines the offer three times, it's time to shut the fuck up. Maybe I don't want to leave all this shit here, go all the way across the bigass store to drop one pack off and pick up two more, bring it all the way back and possibly run into more common decency-challenged idiots just so I can save two bucks. At the time I had $400 in Jacksons in my wallet. $2 really isn't going to matter much to me.
After that I went to 7-11 to pick up some lunch. They have these new roast beef sandwiches on asiago cheese bread and they kick ass. I went up to the counter and stood behind the pack of Mexicans and this girl and her goofy boyfriend were standing next to me. I was just standing there minding my own business, not looking at or saying anything to anyone, when the girl turns to me and says "What are you in such a bad mood for?" She didn't say it in a friendly tone, but more like she was annoyed by the fact that I wasn't grinning ear-to-ear or something. I was a bit confused and wasn't quite sure how to answer that question. I mean, I had this kickass-looking roast beef sandwich in my hand. Why would I be in a bad mood? I turned to her to see if she was looking at me, just to make sure it was me she was talking to. Yep, looking right at me. I said, "Uh, I'm not, but I appreciate your concern." She kind of opened her mouth but didn't say anything. And then she whispered something to her boyfriend and they started whispering back and forth. I probably could have heard it but I wasn't paying attention. I don't know what they could have been talking about if it was about me. Maybe it's National Happyface Day and no one informed me.
After paying for my stuff I was on my way to my shitty car, preparing to go home and enjoy my sandwich in my cold air conditioning in the soft glow of my monitor, but before I could pull my keys out of my pocket the girl came running out of the store at me, like she was going to tackle me or some shit. I was like a deer frozen in headlights.
"HEY! Was that sarcasm?!?! Were you being sarcastic??" I had to think for a while before I realized what the hell she was talking about. She looked really pissed off. I was so confused. So, I just said, "Nope. Just wanted to make you feel appreciated." She didn't say anything that I could hear. She was just standing there as I got in my car. She was still there as I drove off. What a crazy bitch!
The sandwich was damn good.
08222K3
The other day this old lady pissed me off. But I don't remember what it was about now, and I don't remember telling anyone about it. So, here's some stuff that's entirely made-up, just because I'm bored.
The other day I woke up at the crack of noon in my pimp palace because my cell phone was ringing. It was alright because I was having this horrible nightmare that I was some broke loser who still lived in his grandparents' house and had two shitty cars - one which was falling apart and another which he couldn't afford. And as this person, all I did all day was think up shit that no one cares about. It was awful. I pushed all the supermodels off me and picked it up. It was that nerd Craig.
Craig (in his geeky, nasal, cracking voice): Hey um...James?
Pimp Daddy J: What you want, bitch?!
Craig: Well..I was just wondering..
Pimp Daddy J: Wondering what?! Spit it out!
Craig: Do you think you might could...maybe..possibly...come in to work? It's kind of late...
Pimp Daddy J: Bitch, I'll get to that whack joint when I feel like it. And that's never! HAHAHAHA!!
Craig (sobbing like a pussy): But..but I need you...
*click*
After that I was hungry and needed some breakfast/lunch. So I put my pimp gear on, put a few honeys on my arms and strutted down the street to the secret breakfast/lunch pimp place that only pimps and their bitches know about (and now all of you, but it won't do you any good). I strolled up to the door and there was some new bouncer and he didn't recognize me. So I pulled out a wad of bills. I bet he thought I was gonna pay him to open the door for me. Hell nah, I slapped him with it. It was a pretty big wad of bills, so he was knocked out cold. Then my bitches and I strolled up in the joint and they made some small-time pimps get up out of my seat. They know w'sup.
I snapped my fingers and I had instant service. The food was great and I left a big tip like I always do. And even though it went against my pimp code, I greased the bouncer, too. He was still on the floor so I left it in his front pocket.
We started walking back to my pimp palace and out of nowhere these whack ninjas came up, flipping around like a bunch of damn hyped-up special ed kids on crack-kool-aid. So I had one of my ladies free me of my pimp coat to reveal my ninja gi. Then all the sudden more of them showed up. There had to be about fifty of them. But my bitches weren't worried, and neither was I. Talk about an ass-beating. I sent them back to chink town limpin'.
We finally made it back to my pimp palace and I got a few fresh bitches to go on a little excursion through the city to make a few collections. But on my way there the English professer at the university called me, asking what the difference between trochaic tetrameter and iambic pentameter was. I figured instead of answering over the phone, I'd just go down there myself. The campus, or the Recruiting Grounds as I like to call it, is ripe for pickin' and I'm always up for some new talent.
So I get to the class and of course the professor's crying her eyes out because she don't know shit. She lied on her resume to get the job and now she's so stressed out she's losing her hair. So I tell her to move the hell out the way and I start droppin' skills on the bunch of yuppies. Then this ugly ghetto bitch stands up out of the group and opens her fat mouth.
Dumb Bitch: You can't do that in rap!
Pimp Daddy J: And why the hell not? Because it's got rules to it as opposed to prose?
Dumb Bitch: No, because it's not real!
Pimp Daddy J: Ok, ghetto child, how is it not real?
Dumb Bitch: Because you have to live in da hood to make REAL rap! You have to be POOR and you have to RAISE YOUR SISTER! That's what Tupac rapped about.
Pimp Daddy J: Has it ever occured to you that he rapped about those things because it's all he knew about? If a rich pimp raps about his geeky boss waking him up, does that make it any less real?
Dumb Bitch: Yeah, whatever!
Pimp Daddy J: Nice. I look foward to having you bag my groceries.
I bet she thought I was joking. A few hours later I went to the Save-A-Lot and sho' 'nuff there she was, bagging my groceries.
After that I was getting bored, so I dropped my bitches off at my pimp palace and went to the store to see how Craig was doing. I pulled up next to Craig's busted ass minivan and saw him sobbing and putting up a "Hurricane Computers out of business" sign. So I figured I better come back to work so he doesn't end up living in his van, even though it'd probably be an upgrade from those slums he lives in now. I told him I was back and he started getting all excited and shit. Then my cell rang. It was that newjack from 2advanced.com. He finally realized his site sucks ass and needed me to help him come up with a better one. I hung up on his ass and just as soon as I did fuckin' Maddox from The Second-Best Page in the Universe called. He needed some material for his site again, so I gave him a few ideas and he started getting all mushy on me like Craig, so I hung up on his ass. Then I went back to my pimp palace.
That was pretty much my day. I left a few minor details out, but you don't need to know about that stuff.
08102K3
After finally collecting all my required parts and gathering them into a large pile, I put my computer together and got it working.
Here's the parts I used, and a brief review of each:
Chieftech Dragon black full tower w/window
This thing is badass. It has tons of room, all kinds of hard drive bays, clips to fit on the 5.25" drives so you can slide them out without unscrewing stuff, 3.5" drive cages that slide out easily, a front door with a lock, and a side panel that opens outwards like a door (and also has a lock). It also has two bars at the top to rest the power supply on. No pussy aopen case here, no sir. The only problem would be moving it around. It's aluminum so it doesn't weigh much, either.
MSI K7N2 Delta-L motherboard
It's cheap, works, and is overclock-friendly. And it's red. Has the nforce 2 chipset instead of whatever piece of shit VIA has out now.
AMD Athlon XP 2500+
For only $80 this thing kicks ass. I let it burn in at 2 ghz over night, and I'm going to see if I can push it to 3200+ speeds.
Thermaltake Xaser III 480 watt power supply (black)
Two fans, tons of connectors, wrapped 12v cable, fan speed controller and it looks good.
Thermaltake Volcano 11
Just a block of copper with a 72 cfm 80mm fan. Should be sufficient enough. If not, I'll go with a Thermalright cooler.
Arctic Silver III
I stole this from Craig. It's supposed to be the best thermal compound there is. I washed my hands three times and I still have silver on my fingers.
ATI Radeon 9700 All-In-Wonder
Not the fastest card out but definitely the coolest. Came with a ton of cables and adapters, and a remote. I haven't really found a use for it, though. Maybe using it to play ripped dreamcast games on my monitor. It has a cool feature where you can set the video input as your desktop background. Not really useful, but cool nonetheless.
Creative Soundblaster Audigy 2 Platinum eX
This thing is so sweet, it gives me diabetes just thinking about it. The external box has a ton of uses that I will never be able to utilize. About all I'm using it for is changing MP3s with the remote, and I can do that with the ATI remote. The sound quality kicks the shit out of the onboard audio.
Creative Inspire 6.1 speakers
Bored? Hyped up on caffeine or other stimulants? Like to play with wrapping plastic? Buy a set of these speakers and you'll have hours of fun. Christ, by the time I got these things free of their translucent garbs and wire ties I had totally missed my sexual peak. That wasn't hooking them up; that was just putting them on the table, getting ready to attach the stands. It came with an extra stand. I couldn't figure out why until I almost broke a few getting them out of the damn plastic. But all that work was not done in vain, for afterwards I was rewarded with...a big fucking mess of wires. If I had a smaller desk, it would be a little mess of wires. But this thing is like 8 feet long and 4 feet wide. So there are wires everywhere.
For $80 these aren't bad I guess. The subwoofer's a little noisy. There are definitely better speakers out there. I'll have to go steal some of those velcro ties from Craig to tidy things up a bit.
Western Digital 120GB 7200RPM 8MB Cache EIDE HDD
I think WD has the best IDE hard drives on the market. Faster than what I'm used to, and not noisy, unlike my old Maxtor drive.
Hitachi 40GB 7200RPM EIDE HDD
This was dirt cheap. They're supposed to be just like the IBM deskstars, which aren't bad.
Kingston Value 1024MB PC3200 DDR
I would have liked some Corsair XMS but I can't afford that right now. This will do until I can. The timings aren't tight but at least it's stable.
NEC AccuSync 90 19" CRT monitor
Excellent gaming monitor for the price. It gets extremely bright and has a high refresh rate. I thought it'd be a piece of shit for the price I paid for it, but it's not bad at all.
Microsoft Optical IntelliMouse (five button)
The best optical mouse out right now as far as I know.
Manhatan True-Touch USB keyboard
Terrible keyboard, especially for $25. I'd be way better off with one of the $6 keyboards off the shelf.
Ablerex UPS/surge protector
Cheapest UPS we had. I don't think it can power my cable modem, much less my computer. Oh well.
CNet router/switch
Terrible. Should have gotten a Linksys or Netgear.
Case of Bawls
This stuff helped me stay up until 5:30 AM hooking up my speakers and downloading updates and patches.
Not a bad computer. I'm really just glad to have one to myself for once.
08042K3
Either Thursday or Friday I went to the post office to get some stamps and mail some letters. I walked in and there was about six people in line with two old guys at the front. One was really old. Had to be at least 80. He had a cane, a heart monitor and some other stuff on him. I'll refer to him as Old Fart. To his left, just coming in and seemingly skipping everyone in the line, was another old guy who looked like he was maybe in his 60s. I'll refer to him as Asshole. It all started when Asshole went ahead of Old Fart to give the guy at the counter something to mail (I guess). I'll refer to myself as Our Hero, because I am, at least in this story. Here's the dialog:
Old Fart: Hey, I was here first.
Asshole: Why don't you shut your fuckin' mouth. I was here first, buddy. I had to get somethin' out of my car. Ya old fart.
Old Fart: But...
Guy at the counter: Sir, he was here first.
Old Fart: Oh, ok. Sorry. My mistake.
Asshole: That's right, ya fuckin' dope! Ask him before you open your stupid mouth! If you weren't such an old fart I'd knock you right on your ass!
Old Fart looks upset but doesn't say anything. No one does.
Asshole: What? Ya got somethin' to say, dickhead? Just a fuckin' dope.
Our Hero: Excuse me, sir.
Asshole turns around to look at me.
Our Hero: Do you make an ass of yourself everywhere you go?
One or two of the post office employees chuckle.
Asshole: Look at the balls on this ugly punk right here!
Our Hero: I'm sorry you're not as sexually attracted to me as you feel you should be, sir.
Everyone in the line and behind the counter starts laughing.
Asshole: A fuckin' wise ass, eh? You know I'd like to take your ass out to the parking lot and teach you a few manners.
Asshole mumbles under his breath a bunch and gets his stuff together and leaves.
Our Hero proceeds to buy his stamps. The guys behind the counter thank Our Hero for putting Asshole in his place.
All the people in line are laughing and talking amongst themselves in excitement.
Our Hero goes to the parking lot. Asshole is nowhere to be found.
About 3/4 of my PC parts came in. Craig never ordered the rest of them, because he's a lazy bitch. He's supposed to be doing it as I type this, but I bet he's not.
Various images:
Photos
Images
Screenshots
Contact:
craigsucks at gmail dot com