11082K2
Just more of the same crap today. Drove around aimlessly, found nothing. If my father died today, I'd be the happiest I've ever been.
I have some money in my bank account but my grandmother won't let me touch it. It's my account and my money so I took some out to pay for gas. I know she'll bitch when she sees the statement but I do not give a fuck. I'm finding it harder and harder to give a fuck about anything at all, actually. If I had a gun..
11062K2
Went to Dad's house, called some dead-end job leads, drove around aimlessly until we got to the Job Search place in Leesburg. He just skipped over the Computer/Technical category and went straight to the hard labor stuff and found some stupid crap that I'm not going to do (and probably couldn't do even if I wanted to). Went back home after stopping at a store to check his transmission fluid and get a six-pack and some onion rolls. Ate lunch despite me having to be home in ten minutes. Got home late, left in a hurry, said screw school and went to my mom's house. We watched the Green Mile and ate some chicken stuff for dinner. Came home, my grandma complained about me never being home to help my grandfather, watched some episodes of the Brak Show. That was pretty much my day.
My dad is going to drive me insane. Literally. I'm not acting like myself anymore. He wants me at his house every day to drive around aimlessly looking for hard labor jobs that pay minimum wage using my gas, and I fear that I may snap. He bought these work boots for me that cost $40 and expects me to pay him back for them when I don't even need/want them in the first place. He won't let me have a day to myself. I can't even describe how this shit makes me feel. It's not depression, but I think that if I had a gun that worked I would blow my brains out right now just so I wouldn't have to put up with his bullshit anymore. This is the closest I've been to actually not seeing anything wrong with killing myself. People tell me to just tell him I don't want to go. I've tried that. He just keeps insisting that I go. He will not leave me alone. He will not physically leave the premesis until he is either satisfied, or the cops show up. The phone calls will not stop. He just constantly hits me with a guilt trip and will not shut his fucking stupid worthless mouth. THE ONLY thing he has ever been good for is giving me an excuse at some form of failure. Right now, he's basically the reason my grades are sucking and why I miss class. I'm down to a half tank of gas, and I have no more money. $0. My grandparents won't loan me money for gas. Josh would loan it to me but my grandmother gives him a weekly allowance and won't let him spend a cent of it, and checks regularly to see if he is. So, I have no money to pay for this server and no money to pay for gas. And my dad thinks I owe him $40. I'm pretty much screwed.
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