September 2003
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Victory is mine!
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Today is an eerie day - the kind of eerie that makes me want to spout off some noir monologue about holes. Nothing in my neighborhood was moving or making any kind of noise, the rodes were almost deserted and the phones here haven't rang once. Even the parking lot is empty save for the few cars that are almost always here. The only person that's come in was Rob's woman, and she brought me breakfast. Now that's eerie.
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I've gotten a couple of interesting phone calls in yesterday and the day before.
The first was from a web designer in Orlando, who was re-building a site for one of our hosting clients. First he called Craig to get help with the domain registrar. Something happened and he didn't understand how registrars work, so he thought Craig was lying and called him a lowlife motherfucker. Craig told him to unhinge his jaws and swallow his balls. He called back about five minutes later, and I picked it up.
Our Hero: Mort's Morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
Idiot: Is Craig there?
Our Hero: Nah, he split for the day.
Idiot: Oh, so he didn't have the guts to stick around, eh?
Our Hero: No sir, we're all just a bunch of dickless motherfuckers around here. We have no balls.
Idiot: Oh, so you're an asshole, too?
Our Hero: You say that like it's a bad thing. If it weren't for us assholes, you buttfuckers would be out of a job.
Idiot: WHAT?!
*click*
He called back a little later and said "What goes around comes around." So, I decided to make that the title of his client's webpage after we jacked the domain. Click here to view it, but be warned that it features a few disturbing images, including tubgirl.
Yesterday some old guy called here, and I decided to answer for no apparent reason. Figures. The few times I do answer the phone, I get stupid shit like this:
Idiot: Do you know anyone who can install computer cables?
Our Hero: Sure do. What kind of cable do you need?
Idiot: Well, I just need a cable hooked up here at my house.
Our Hero: Uh, ok. What kind of cable?
Idiot: Don't you understand what the hell a computer cable is?
I almost went off on the old bastard, but there were women and kids in the room. So I paused for a moment to cool down.
Our Hero: Sir, there are hundreds and hundreds of different types of cable you can run. Now please be more specific, or call someone else.
Idiot: I don't believe this..
Our Hero: How 'bout I put it this way. Is the cable for internet, or it it for something else?
guy: Well, where I used to live I had roadrunner.
Our Hero: Alright, there are three cable broadband providers in this county. There's Comcast, RoadRunner and Florida Cable. They each serve different areas, so call each of them and ask if they service your area.
Idiot: Which one's better?
Our Hero: I'm not sure, but it doesn't really matter because you don't really have a choice in which one to go with, since they each serve different areas, and only one provider is available in each area in the county.
Idiot: So which one serves my area?
Our Hero: Where do you live?
Idiot: I live right here in Lake County!
Our Hero: *sigh* That tells me a whole lot. I said three cable broadband providers serve THIS COUNTY. Telling me you live in the county doesn't really narrow it down for me.
Idiot: You're a real wise ass, ya know that?
Our Hero: It's better than being a complete dumbass. *click*
I'm not answering the phones today.
Just to clear something up, October is not being removed from all time periods. It's just for this year. So if you were born in October, you still exist. However, if any children are born during what would be October of this year had I not conquered it in the name of September, they will have no birthday unless September once again needs some extra leg room. If you celebrate your birthday in October, I'm sorry that you didn't get to this year. Well, not really.
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Added the story of how I saved ces to the miscellaneous section of the text archives.
Today I bring to you a few words of advice regarding bushes and hands.
: It's a good idea to wear gloves while ripping your grandmother's hedges out of the ground. Actually it's a good idea to not do it at all, but if you have to, wear gloves.
: While a new shovel handle may look pretty sturdy, it's still subject to break when you're jabbing at some uncooperative roots. If you hear it do even the slightest crack, it's a good idea to go get another shovel, especially if you're using it in said jabbing fashion. Stabbing yourself in the hand with a broken shovel handle isn't really a good thing to do.
: If there is a ladder near a bush you're jabbing at, it's a good idea to move the ladder, especially if you didn't get much sleep the previous night and your judgement is a little off. While splitting a thumbnail in half may seem like a good idea at the time, I'm sure most people would agree that it's generally not an enjoyable experience.
: No matter how attention-grabbing your monitor may be, don't stare at it while reaching for a usb-ps2 adapter (or anything, for that matter) that is sitting right next to a running 120mm fan that moves 112cfm of air. Picture someone putting an an unsharpened pencil on the tip of your little finger and hitting the pencil with a sledgehammer.
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Added rumz0r.htm to the messenger mayhem section.
The September flag still waves proudly in defiance as October's troops watch from the distance, behind their defense lines beyond no-man's land. This most recent battle was won easily...but it was a little too easy. We can see October's troops, but they look small in number compared to what we saw in battle. It's very possible that they are plotting an attack right now as we are over-confident. According to our men on the South side, things are quiet...but a little too quiet. We're going to have to be on our toes for this one. Needless to say, it's going to be a long night. But then again, they could just be preying on our paranoia by keeping us alert...a little too alert. October's a crafty one, but the stench of inevitable death has long been metaphorically fabreezed from our proverbial couches and figuratively been swept clean of the symbolical hairs of a dog....of doom! I'm not sure what all that means, but it has to be good...a little too good.
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Added fast food reviews to the reviews section of the text archives. Go check it out.
The battle against October rages onward. As of now we are winning, but it's too early to predict the outcome. The days are long and the nights are sleepless, and not a day passes without the loss of a comrade. It's only been nine days and already I've got the thousand yard stare. But we will not give up. October WILL be defeated, or we will die fighting.
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Yep, September 36th. This is the longest fucking month ever, and it's not even that great of a month. When you think of good months, I should hope September doesn't come to mind, unless you're one of those hippy communists who treat every month equally when it's obvious they are not equal. If you commy bastards would take the time out of your busy schedule of doing the pinko polka to pull your head out of your ass you'd see just how much September sucks. The only reason I'm allowing September to last this long is because I hate October even more. Sorry, kids. No October this year. No Halloween and my mom doesn't get a birthday. I'll make it up to you next year when I don't allow January to exist - which means an extra month of vacation from school.
Yesterday the battery in my Camaro went into early retirement. Batteries are so goddamn lazy nowadays. The one in my tracker was put in around February of 1999 and it's still good. This one's only lasted two years. So today I had to leave my masculinity at home, because I couldn't fit it into the car I had to drive to work. It's my grandmother's Ford...something. It's either an Escort or a Taurus. Either way it's not something a man should ever have to drive, especially with the frilly things she has all over the place, like this stupid crystal thing that hangs from the rear view mirror. There's a mark on the windshield where it smacks it every time she hits the brakes hard (which is a lot because she doesn't know how to drive).
Don't drink Pacific Chai. I drank a cup of it at 5 and didn't get to sleep until 3:30. I was moving pianos and whatnot all day and I was wore out by the time I got home, so I was already tired. This shit kept me awake until 3:30, and even then I wasn't very tired. So when I woke up at 7:30, going to work wasn't really on my list of things to do. I'm not sure what was, because I have trouble thinking clearly under such circumstances. I think I was going to fix the pool pump even though it's not broke or something, until I finally realized it was Monday morning and I wasn't the ruler of Lesbia. Damn.
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Yes, I know there is no September 31st. It's October 1st, but I really don't feel like creating the September archives page, making a new index, blah blah blah. I would automate the whole process, but with this page I'm trying to be as basic as possible (in functionality and looks...for the most part). About the most advanced thing I've got going on here is a .css file. Woo. I'm not even using SSI (which isn't as much of a pain-in-the-ass as you might think).
Well, it's official. The car is mine. It's been mine for about three years now, but now my name is on the title, which kicks ass. I should have left it at my house instead of my aunt's, because she didn't take care of it like she said she would.
The CS clan I'm in is in a bit of a rut. To put it without going into much detail, everyone's pissed at the server admin and the leader doesn't care. I know it doesn't sound so bad, but you haven't seen all the damn mass e-mails. I would post a screen shot but most of them are on my home computer, and I don't waste my time with this webpage shit at home. Here's a sniplet of one of my e-mails I sent out about the asshole in question:
Hey, Rick. Yeah, that sucks, but you can't really blame Digital. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment.
You're young and have probably been dropped on your head a few times as an infant. You like to constantly make bigoted remarks about gays so you're most likely a closet homosexual, possibly with a fetish involving German shepherds and mayonnaise. You surround yourself with people dumber than you just so you can make yourself look good, but you're retarded so you forget how stupid these people are, and therefore begin to think way too highly of yourself. You lie so much you begin to forget what the truth is. Being that everyone is your inferior, you strive to make it known that you don't *have* to do what you're doing, so you can look like a somewhat merciful god, rather than just some conceited fuck of a little, helpless boy trapped in a macho, egotistical shell. You don't try to correct your wrong-doings, because, the way you see it, you can do no wrong. Instead, you rationalize everything to the pathetic mortals and laugh as they eat out of your hand like nervous rodents. Every once in a while you cry yourself to sleep, but you pass it off as getting in touch with your feminine side. The chicks in the anime flicks dig it, so hopefully a real life girl will, too. That is, providing you ever come across one.
Ok, hopefully you're in character now. Now try to play out the following scene:
You connect to your counter-strike server, on which you constantly endure massive loads of bullshit, despite how you regularly show that even a merciful god such as yourself can dish out holy wrath of biblical proportions. Soon into the game (which you're the best at, no doubt) some lowly maggot says *something* about your server! Oh, this will not do. This peasant is so bold as to comment on something which you, a merciful god, have provided! You have the following options:
1) Make an example out of the ingrate and then go masturbate to cartoon porn in celebration of a smiting-well-done.
2) Make this cretin explain himself and apologize.
3) Be amused, for this lowly creature actually thinks of himself as your equal. HA!
Of course you're going to choose the first option, because you're a man of action.
I hope this helps you to understand the misunderstood Digital. Please remember this before you judge him.
Actually that was more than just a sniplet. It was more like the whole e-mail. There were others, too, and lots of colorful replies.
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Added a bunch of stuff to the graphics section, and cryogenics.txt to the messenger mayhem section.
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Added pokepeople.htm to the messenger mayhem section.
My computer has slipped into a coma and needs a video card transplant. I was just sitting here not doing a whole lot when one of my hidden-away UV cathodes fell off the railing and pulled out the face plate with the cathode light switches in it, which dislodged my 120mm fan with the stainless steel grill. The grill touched my ATI 9700 all-in-wonder pro, a flash occured and it was good game for my video card. Time to do an RMA.
Someone is finally buying my tracker. He was talking about putting a body kit on it and shit, which made me a little sad. Oh well. I'll be happy to get rid of it.
Today I put up two of these in the store: click after Craig requested that I put on there a picture of a girl looking and dressed how we would want someone to work here, so hopefully a big-chested cartoon girl will apply for a job.
What else was I going to ramble about...oh yeah, 3D Studio Max. Someone implied that I was a newb because I don't use it for my abstract graphics that I use to spice up layouts. So I got ahold of it a few days ago and tried it out. You know all those wicked 3D abstract images you see at spoono.com, shadowness.com and the former razorart.com? That shit takes twenty minutes to make - that's five minutes in 3DS Max and twenty five in Photoshop doctoring it up. Don't believe me? Here's some shit I did yesterday and today: [ click ] . I've ran into a few things that were difficult, like trying to make an image of Mario jumping out of a sewer pipe (not finished yet), but that 3d abstract shit is so incredibly easy, I have just lost all respect for anyone who does it in 3ds max. And I also now consider myself to be the undisputed best 3d abstract artist anywhere, because I can do it entirely in Photoshop. I'll try to write a few pshop tutorials, since no one believes me, and I'll also dive into lightwave as soon as I get my video card issue taken care of. It's probably a lot easier than everyone's making it out to be, just like 3ds max. Prissy bastards.
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Added joe.htm and touched up and rearranged some things.
Monday I got some UV-reactive ATA cables and wire ties, a UV cathode light and a very cool hard drive cooler with a face plate with blue LEDs. Wednesday I got two 120mm 110cfm fans - one of which is UV-reactive (all uv-reactive stuff is orange). Tomorrow I get my switches, for which I will drill holes in my floppy case cover so I can turn my red & blue lights off and turn the UV light on, or vice-versa, or all off...or all on. Yeah. Now the challenge will be to make this look tasteful, as opposed to ricer-ish and obnoxious.
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I went from being bored as hell to having way too much work to do. I just now finished a week-long project on one of those pharmaceutical sites with drug price guides and order forms and remaking the order forms and remaking them again and redoing the prices and...it was a pain in my ass. And on top of that I've got some ink site to do with a metric fuckload of typing involved. I've got it about 3/8 done. Hopefully my boss has forgotten about it and won't make me do anymore of it. I think I've gotten arthritis in my wrists from typing all that shit.
I've also got some stupid car wash site to do, and a site about selling businesses, and probably more pharmacy stuff. Oh well, at least I get paid pretty well. Oh, wait. I don't.
Check out this marvel of verbal ownage right here. I amaze even myself sometimes. Flaming is an art and I'm motherfuckin' Salvadore Dali.
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Added something to the random thoughts page in the text archives...I forget what it's called, but it's at the bottom. It's actually been there for half a month.
So much shit has happened...and I don't remember any of it. Not a damn thing. Well, some stuff. All I know is that people have been wanting me to update my site for the past week for some reason (like anyone actually reads this), so I finally gave in. Here goes. *ahem*
I made this flyer and we have two of them up in the store now. People keep bringing in dogs, empty pockets, stuff to sell us and are being stupid jerks. It should put a stop to all that. Someone asked me if coming in without pants were allowed (referring to the text at the bottom of the flyer). I pointed to the "no jackasses" on the flyer.
I noticed something when I was archiving the August page. My rant about Bit Torrent has disappeared! I guess I edited the page from my other computer and uploaded it without downloading and editing the one already on the site. I'll do it again.
Bit Torrent seems to be the new hype in file sharing (along with Earth Station 5) and everyone's telling me how cool it is, and asking why I don't use it. So I figured I'd give it a try. I got the unofficial client and hit up Suprnova.org for an SVCD of Anger Management. It wouldn't download, so instead I grabbed Bulletproof Monk. I didn't really wany to see it, but it was the second movie on the list. It started downloading at about 2 kb/sec and uploading at 20 kb/sec. What the hell?
Suck Torrent
The movie took two weeks to download and it sucked. Glad I didn't pay to see it.
But I didn't give up. I tried some other things that had lots of seeders. Same thing with all of them - <10kb download, >20kb upload on everything I tried. I couldn't even get a 8 mb e-book down in less than two hours.
So, fuck torrents.