Surfeiting Lard

I'm Awesome Because I'm Rich

Yesterday morning my cell phone woke me up. It was one of my friends that I didn't have before I got rich, and they invited me to this party that rich folks go to, but not "REALLY" rich folks because they are stuck up and greedy. And they make my wallet feel small in comparison. Did you see how I just put emphasis on a word by not only putting it in all caps, but by also adding quotations around it even though that makes no sense at all? And how I like to start sentences with conjuctions? That's right, bitch. When you get rich like me, you can do stuff like that too, but don't hold your breath. HAHAHAHA!

At about 9:45 this morning I was driving around in my Chrysler today (not rich enough to afford a Bentley, Maserati, Aston Martin, Rolls Royce, etc.) on the way to that party (it's like three hundred miles from where I live so I had to be on my way pretty early) when some monkey fucking, cum guzzling, anal prolapsing, cock sucking, rectum rangering, sewer chewing, salad tossing, shit eating, chode licking, fart smelling, odd/foul noun sexually-suggestive verb-ing doo-doo head did something that I can't remember because I was cought up in the moment, thinking about my money. All's I remember (I love that "all's" contraction, don't you?) is that he pissed me off, so I got him to pull over, got out of my car, threw my wallet at him and knocked the bitch out cold! I didn't even have to reach in my trunk and pull out one of my hundreds of firearms I have for no apparent reason. YEAAAA BOYYY!! Oh wait, shit, I don't say that anymore! Fuck me AGNES! ...I still say that one, right? Damn, shit's frustratin', boy!

About 3/4 the way there I met up with my friends John and Jeff.

We finally made it there around 8 pm. The party was fuckin' "CRAZY!" The bass coming out of these was in-fucking-"CREDIBLE!" I'm thinking about getting some for my truck because I'm rich and you aren't and I can do that and you can't so ha ha.

And just so you no action getting losers don't forget who the pimp daddy is, check out these HOT!!! bitches I picked up at the party: Cindy, Becky, Shelly and Larry. Larry's a pretty weird name for a chick but whatever!

Oh, and to whoever keeps sending me those penis enlargement emails, keep in mind that it's not the size that counts, it's how much money you have! Look at the pics of those hotties I picked up if you need any more proof, you clueless fuck!

Overpayed

So I was thinking about giving my #1 employee Sandman a raise today, since I didn't give him his $10k reward for finding the asshole who egged one of my three SRT-10's, and since he's always doing web and graphics work for me and doesn't give me any shit about it even though I don't pay him any extra. Yea, I was thinking about it, until the motherfucker got something from UPS today for like the 100th time in the past week or so. So I'm like "WTF!" and he's like "This is my new receiver. My old one broke. It only cost a little over $100." Fuck that!! He only saved up for three weeks before he bought that and says it "ONLY" cost a little over $100. I'm obviously overpaying him. That lazy fucker. Then, as I was lighting my cuban cigar with a copy of Action Comics #1, I said to the overpayed shit licker "As long as you're not completely miserable financially, you're overpayed. Now get to work!!!" That put him in his place. BooYaa!