Sweeney Comeback Special

About a week or so after the prior installment of the Sweeney Saga, I received this email, and I don't know why:

that u for the kind email. i could only hope that u learn how to spell before trying to come across as superior. since you are so bright and a man of wisdom do u not even know that amonst other things in life , my family, friends, and those that i respect look out for each other. I ma of the catholic religious faith and i truly pray for those of u that have started this and force and contribute for its longevity. If u were not so dumb, and craig salmond was not pushing u free drugs, u come across smart enough to get away from the evil....
I wont beat a dead horse , but all my phones are tapped, salmonds's wife, or mistress, is under federal investigation, the Lake Country sherriffs dept has full survelience, etc.....as well is he.....WELL before i saw he was a crook........so chose ur battles bud......in the meantime, give it a few and he and his co-conspiritors will end up in jail for life x 5.........do the math...........
so , listen have a turnaround.....i cannott list how many agencies are investigatiom him....
JPS

all :c'c's faxed

Since I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, at first I didn't feel like responding. But, the folks on the message boards wanted new material.

Mr. Sweeney,

I apologize for my short attention span, poor reading comprehension, illiteracy and blindness, but please confirm something for me:

Did you just imply that I use poor spelling?

I know with all of these shortcomings of mine I shouldn't jump to such irrational conclusions, but it genuinely appears as if you have just said that I cannot spell adequately enough for you. On top of the aforementioned shortcomings, maybe I'm crazy, too. Perhaps you mean that, if I were to suddenly forget how to spell in between sending this email and the next, I'd do well to remember to re-associate myself with writing in the English language, especially before asserting my superiority over you. If so, then that is very thoughtful of you, Mr. Sweeney. Thank you for the advice. Hopefully one day I'll be spelling as perfectly as you do.

If you were not addressing me at all, but were just sending this to me so I'd have something to read at work, then thank you for being so considerate. I hope the person you were addressing also appreciates your advice and remembers to work on his or her spelling.

And, if you were addressing someone else, could you please give me their contact information? I see that they are getting free drugs from Craig Salmond, and I'd like to ask them how to get in on that sweet deal. Craig doesn't give me anything. I asked for an aspirin one time and he gave me a chlorine tablet. He said it would make the pain go away, but I couldn't even fit it in my mouth! So, I'd like to know how this person is getting free drugs out of Craig. Hook a brother up.

Remembering you in my prayers,
CS

CC'd to info@aclupgh.org:

TO: ACLU

RE: Criaig Salmond, et.al

From James Sweeney

Dear ACLU,

Per our recent telephone conversation, can u please contact me at your earliest convienience so i can discuss a 'self admitted' violation of my civil liberty rights. I do have several saved instant messages and phone recordings where SEVERAL people have/are engaging in several constitutionbal violations. They vary from impersonating police officers, threating my life due to my sexual orientation and have posted all my personal info on the web, ie-home address, dob, phone #, etc.
The above is being investigated by several federal, state and local authorities and will share this with u as soon as we establish 'privelidge'
Since some of what we will be discusssing has to do with death threats so i hope we can schedule a meeting A.S.A.P. I am studying law a Duquesne and this has caused mental anguish that is affecting my grades.

Sincerely,
James Sweeney
412-773-2346

ACLU? Boorring. What happened to the Border Patrol? My reply:

Hi, James!

I don't know what you've got cooking up (but I'm sure I'll get all of it CC'd to me), but I hope it's nothing that would ruin our relationship. See, when you start with this distress stuff, our legal team goes into Battle Mode. They're a bunch of nerds so I think they're playing some spin-off of that Dungeons and Dragons game. And, not unlike the D&D geeks, they seem to rarely feel the need to put on some clothes. I know we don't have a dress code here, but jeez. I guess they have a lot of fun with their Boxers and Briefcases game, though, because they talk about it all the time. Our Legal Master Ray, a level 80 Courtroom Cleric or something, apparently is preparing to cast this "counter-suit" spell (rank 10, no doubt). They're always bringing up these terms like "extortion," "fraud" and "lobotomy." I don't get it, man. Oh well, at least it keeps them off the streets at night.

Pwning nubs since Beta 3,
CS

Mr. Sweeney asks for me to put him out of his misery:

CRaig.....its never goingbto stop....either commit a crime and kill me or i WILL PUT UR SLIMY thieving ass behind bars for the rtest of ur life....oh plerase give this to that punk that psosts all this on the sad redneck car web......

Regretfully, I had to decline:

Mr. Sweeney,

I'm sorry that I cannot comply with your request, as I'm not sure if euthanasia is legal in this state. I'd ask our legal team but they look pretty busy doing whatever it is they are doing. It appears to be a ritual of some sort. Crazy lawyers with their music...

So, what's been happening with you in the past week or so? Me - I just got past the 6th Dark World dungeon in Zelda 3. One more crystal to go! Then I can give that fiend Ganon what for, and his little wizard friend, too.

Keeping the Knight's line true on Cataclysm's Eve,
CS

I think this was in response to someone else who had emailed him, and he CC'd it to me:

btw...u can laugh , pst it on ur gay site......but MANY people know salmond is being investigated by the FBI and DEA....so when they came to interview me i'm sure they were thinking harrassment....lol...the contacted me, so get it stright before u shoew UR ignorance.....

all ur doing is making the drug dealer look worse.....get it? probably not janitor boy......bye

O happy dagger! The English language is thy sheath; there rust, and let it die.

Haply, some punctuation yet doth spill over..........CS

i heard taco johns has a sale on music...could i be so kind to entertain u with some......?

i love entertaining crook and thiefs

Whoever told you that is either a liar or a very confused person. Taco John's does not sell music, but rather tacos and taco accessories of the delicious variety.

Also, you have asked me a question that I cannot answer. "Could I be so kind to..." is something that you and only you would know. If you asked me, "Could you be so kind as to allow me to entertain you with Taco John's music?" I could genuinely answer this question with a "yes" or a "no way, homie" if I didn't know that Taco John's was not selling music.

Hungry for some tacos now,
CS

That's all for now.

Sandman

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